Ryan Donovan
"This I believe" essay
I believe that seeing isn’t truly believing but, knowing is. This I believe. What I mean is that most people base perception on sight alone when there is four maybe even five other senses that they’re ignoring. And they don’t know what they see often. For an example, you could place three people in a room with some new technology that isn’t known by them even slightly. There would be four opinions on what they saw. My belief was formed when I was around ten. We decided to go wandering through the wood, it was a group of about fifteen kids so we were safe. We came upon a clearing in some woods; we didn’t know where we were at all. It looked normal and all but it was the feel and the lack of sound that only I noticed out of fifteen kids. I ran back to the path we were following shortly, they heard barking then they saw five big dogs, could have been wolves I don’t know. They in the same direction that I ran moments earlier. No one was hurt by these dogs, or maybe wolves, maybe coyotes.
Reviewer’s Name:Devon Perry
ReplyDeleteDate: 9/21/11
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Ryan Donovan
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
The assignment is asking my partner to describe a certain belief, and to go into detail about how it was formed and what changed or tested that belief. Start off with a personal story that contributes to the belief. Then tell how you it affected your opinion or point of view. This should be anywhere from 300 to 500 words and only a couple minutes long when read out loud. It’s important to tell the story from your side and to not write in a 3rd person.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
My partner did a good job in the first three sentences describing his belief. “I believe that seeing isn’t truly believing but, knowing is. This I believe. What I mean is that most people base perception on sight alone when there is four maybe even five other senses that they’re ignoring.” He also stated when his belief was formed and started telling his story.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
I think the story needs to explain more about how it ties into his belief. I also think he left out a few key details in the story. There were also a few typo’s and sentence errors. Sentence number 5 should be re-worded. And sentence number 8 should also be re-worded and there is a typo.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
“We came upon a clearing in some woods; we didn’t know where we were at all. It looked normal and all but it was the feel and the lack of sound that only I noticed out of fifteen kids.” What did you feel? And what do you mean by noticing lack of sound?
I see only one draft.
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