Ryan Donovan
Application essay rough draft
“Select a creative work- a novel, a film a poem, a musical piece, a painting or other works of that that has influenced the way you view the world and the way you view yourself. Discuses the work and its effect on you”(New York university)
A creative work that has influenced the way I view the world and I view myself would be Stephen King’s Dark tower series. Stephen King’s Dark tower series takes bit of pieces of all his novels and it’s self to make a grand tale. This made me realize that we many of our opinions are opinions of others that we heard many times before so layered that we think that it’s our own.
The novel deals with vast scales that made me realize were on a spec on a spec on a spec. Such insignificance made me think does this insignificance that we all have make us greater for we strive to do better, reach our goals and become significant? I believe it does. A man that has all he wants will never improve upon anything or gain a thing, the sky is his domain but there is much beyond the sky and he doesn’t realize it. Having all you truly want isn’t a gift but a curse for how can one improve or be happy if he truly has it all? But if a man continues to climb and climb he will surpass the ignorant man floating in the sky and go beyond. But even the universe might have an unreachable limit.
Post write
ReplyDelete1.I feel that it had a good feel and some good imagery "man floating in the sky"
2. refine it and add more details
3. Did I do a good job?
Peer Review Reading Journal
ReplyDeleteDuring our writing workshops, you’ll be working with a “critical partner,” someone who will read your work seriously and offer constructive comments. Please offer your response to your partner’s draft, using this template as a guide (you may add responses not prompted here as well). On the last day of the workshop, I’d like you to bring one hard copy to class and post another copy on your partner’s blog. As with the Textbook Reading Journal, I’ll be grading your work according to the following criteria:
• Appropriateness to the question
• Relevance and precision of detail from the reading
• Fullness of your response
• Depth of insights
Thanks for agreeing to help a classmate and for being a respectful reader.
Reviewer’s Name: Joshua Conceicao
Date: 10/4/11
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Ryan Donovan, Application Essay
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
Ryan is being asked to make an essay of application, and to select a prompt off the book or to select a current prompt off a 4-year college. To consider his audience while he writes this, to be persuasive, and to give evidence to his argumentative statements. The University of New York gave the assignment given to Ryan. This is asking to select a creative piece that has influenced him. This piece needs to have had influence Ryan’s perspective view about the world and himself. Then he needs to describe the creative piece and how it had influenced him.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
He has picked a creative piece. He describes how it influences him and the significance of it. Gives a good example to his analysis; for example, a man that has all he wants will never improve upon anything or gain a thing.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
Having a body will go nice. More proof-reading is necessary to make this an effective piece. To explain how this influenced him and his experiences. The introduction can be long with more of a bang to grab the reader’s attention.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
Why did you pick the Stephen King’s novel for this prompt? If someone was born with everything one would need, are you saying they can never be happy? Why do you think not if you don’t think so?