Ryan Donovan
Analyzing a trend
As we all know Obesity is a problem in all advance countries of the world more so in the U.S and UK. This is due to lack of or amount of physical actives, a high sugar, fat diet, hormonal issues.
Since the 1960’s, obesity rates have been rising slowly at first then a huge increase in the span of four years. In my father’s day, he says seeing someone obese was quiet rare but now a days, it’s a daily thing.
The consequences of obesity is tiring faster,higher chance of diabetes, higher chance of heart disease, high blood pressure, bone issues, high risk for surgeries.
1. I dislike it. I couldn't find any good sources till class was starting soon
2. Citing sources and adding alot more
Peer Review Reading Journal
ReplyDeleteDuring our writing workshops, you’ll be working with a “critical partner,” someone who will read your work seriously and offer constructive comments. Please offer your response to your partner’s draft, using this template as a guide (you may add responses not prompted here as well). On the last day of the workshop, I’d like you to bring one hard copy to class and post another copy on your partner’s blog. As with the Textbook Reading Journal, I’ll be grading your work according to the following criteria:
• Appropriateness to the question
• Relevance and precision of detail from the reading
• Fullness of your response
• Depth of insights
Thanks for agreeing to help a classmate and for being a respectful reader.
Reviewer’s Name:__Ryan Calcutt__________________________________________________
Date: ___12/6/11_________________________________________________
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed:___Ryan Donovan Analyzing a trend______________________________________________
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
1. This essay asked my partner to find an easy topic to write about the cause and effects of a present trend, my partner found out that there was not enough evidence to support his topic. My partner is going to pick a new topic and try again, this paper was to be 3-5 pages long double spaced. My partner had nothing on the checklist except when the trend started.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
1. My partner needs to pick a whole new topic because he was not able to meet any of the expectations. I cannot pick a passage to illustrate on because there is nothing to write on.
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
1. I think my partner needs a new topic and it has to be really connected to him. If he wanted to stay on childhood obesity then he needs to find a source, I found mine in gale and I searched childhood obesity, I wasn’t able to find it specifically on a trend but I was able to relate it affectively to the trend.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
1. Where is the effort? Once you noticed you couldn’t find anything you should have changed your subject and it might have came out better. I think this was worse than nothing because then during class you could have spent time looking for good articles on a better subject fort you.
2. How can childhood obesity be fought? Why is it a trend? The effects are easy heart disease, joint pain, cardiovascular disease . why didn’t you add these in so it was longer?
1. I think you need to work on this for a couple hours, right now you have nothing I think you should scrap this and start again with a new subject. Maybe the increase in rock bands? Pick something you like and you wont mind spending time on it.